


Bad dreams come and go

by dany89



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Angst, Diego Hargreeves Needs A Hug, Diego Hargreeves is Bad at Feelings, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, F/M, Nightmares, Stuttering Diego Hargreeves
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-06
Updated: 2020-10-06
Packaged: 2021-03-07 18:42:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,338
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26862328
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dany89/pseuds/dany89
Summary: He opened his eyes again. He was lying in his bed, not kneeling on some straw in a barn. It wasn’t cold at all, though he was sweating and could feel a light breeze on his chest. Lila always wanted to keep the window open at night.
Relationships: Diego Hargreeves & Lila Pitts, Diego Hargreeves/Lila Pitts
Comments: 3
Kudos: 23





	Bad dreams come and go

Diego was panicking. He hadn’t felt like that in ages, the last time had been when his brother Ben had died. His heart was beating like hell, he could hear it in his ears, and besides that he didn’t register anything else. He panted to get some air into his lungs, _Just breath_ Diego keeps telling himself. He closes his eyes and tries to put his hands on his face in order to calm himself down. The pictures came crashing back, just like they vanished seconds ago. He was back in Dallas, back on that goddamn farm where Vanya had lived during their time in 1963. Five had just jumped back in time to stop the Handler killing him and his siblings. He was almost successful… almost. Right before one of the IKEA guys killed her, she was able to pull the trigger once. The bullet hit Lila. That’s when he woke up.

He opened his eyes again. He was lying in his bed, not kneeling on some straw in a barn. It wasn’t cold at all, though he was sweating and could feel a light breeze on his chest. Lila always wanted to keep the window open at night. _She killed Lila._ That one thought was enough to let his heart beat faster again. He turns his head and exhales in relief. She was lying right next to him. If he just lifts his hand slightly, he would be able to touch her face. He decided not to, she gets really pissed when being woken up in the middle of the night for no good reason, and right now Diego wasn’t in the mood to fight her. The two of them actually argue quite often. But he doesn’t mind it. The fact that he was able to do so still takes him by surprise.

After he returned home with his siblings, he always hoped that one day she would show up… that she just ran away because she needed to process the betrayal of her mother. Back then, Diego decided to give her time. He never admitted it to his family, but he missed her terribly. Well, of course his siblings knew, they’ve seen how desperately he tried to convince her that she could be part of their family. They didn’t ask him about it though, Diego suspected they just know him too well. He’d only get mad with them because he didn’t want to talk about Lila, or even worse, the feelings he holds for her. He once tried to explain it to Luther and Vanya, but they haven’t really paid attention back then. Diego can’t blame them, they had way bigger problems at that time.

After their return to 2019 Vanya actually tried to talk to him once, but he just didn’t want to at that time. It wasn’t short after that talk with Vanya when Lila returned to him. He remembered that night well.

***

It had been a shitty day, November, all wet and cold outside. Normally Diego didn’t give a shit about the weather, but it was one of those nights where literally everything just pissed him off. He hates being back in the Police academy, hates going back to school. He really needed it to work out for him this time. But everybody was just so goddamn young. It wasn’t like last time; last time Eudora had been there with him. In the beginning she had just been a good friend, that changed with time. He really loved her, but right from the beginning both of them knew it wouldn’t work out. They had always been way too different, especially in how they wanted their life to go on.

“Ah, fuck it.” He claimed out to himself, opened a beer and sat down on the couch. He knew he really needs to prepare for tomorrow, but he just didn’t feel like doing so. He decided to go on, giving himself some more self-pity tonight. Beer and football always work. A knock on the door drew his attention. _Come on!_ Throwing his head back, he urgently hoped none of his siblings decided to show up unannounced. Maybe if he would stay quiet…. No, there was another knock. “Nobody’s home!” he yelled at his door. This always worked with Klaus… but apparently not with whoever was in front of his door this time. Diego moaned and got up, making his way to the door.

“What the fu-?” he didn’t finish the sentence. There she was, in person, arms crossed a with an undefinable look on her face. Lila.

“You look really dumb with your mouth open like that, you get that, right?” A crooked grin crosses her face. She really didn’t want to fight with him right now, although she missed it, but she missed him more. She was looking forward to this moment for quite a long time. God, he looked gorgeous. His hair was still the same length it had been when she last saw him. But there was something that didn’t fit. This wasn’t completely the Diego she remembered. _Her_ Diego. The one that had literally begged her to stay with him. He looked exhausted, tired, and… could it be sad? “I’ll just let myself in, bet you don’t mind?” She squeezed herself past him, leaving Diego still standing in his doorway. For a short moment she feared her sudden appearance made him go into shock. But then he closed the door, went to the fridge, grabbed another beer and passed it to Lila without saying a word. She tried to take it with a smile, her hand lightly touching his in the process.

Diego couldn’t believe it. Lila was really here, sitting on his couch, a grin all over her face. When her hand touched his he couldn’t help but lost it. His heart felt like it was gonna jump right out of his chest any second. His hands started trembling so that the bottle slipped right out of them, the beer inside spilling all over the floor. “Sh- Shit!” he cried out. _Great, now his stutter came back too._ He wanted to relax, he didn’t want her to think he was weak and so goddamn messed up.

“Now is the time somebody really needs to sit down.” Lila wanted her showing up to be a surprise, but she hadn’t expected him to be so emotional. She placed her hand on his arm to stop him from trembling. That didn’t work quite as she hoped it would. She felt goosebumps where she touched him. _Oh Diego, what did I do to you?_ A feeling of guilt rushed thought her body. She managed to sit him down on his couch and grabbed a cloth to clean up the mess on the floor. Afterwards she finally sat next to him, carefully trying not to touch him again.

Diego cleared his throat. Not that it would help with his fucking stutter, but at least he stopped trembling while Lila was cleaning up, thank god. “H-h-how are y-y-ou?” _Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!_ For weeks he wished for her to be with him again, imagined all of what he would like to say to her. But here he was, stuttering like a schoolboy just by the sight of her.

“I’m good. How are you?” Lila’s voice was soft, he noticed. She gently leaned over to him. It looked like she wanted to touch his arm again, but changed her mind halfway through. For the first time, Diego was able to look her directly in the eye and twisted the corner of his mouth. “You won’t br-r-reak me ya k-k-know?” _Calm down. Picture the words in your head._ He closed his eyes, rubbing them with his knuckles.

Lila wasn’t totally convinced by what he just said, but she needed to give it a try. She slid closer to him, putting one hand on his neck and the other one back on his arm. He exhaled, almost in a relaxing way, she thought, moving his head towards her hand for Lila to be able to gently stroke his cheek. There was no need for words to be spoken between them right now, Diego was very sure of that. It felt so good having her sit next to him.

Lila’s chest lightened up by seeing him smile. Maybe her being here with him wasn’t so bad after all. Diego lowered his head closer to hers. If she just drew a little closer to him, their foreheads would touch. It was Lila’s turn to start shivering as his nose gently touched hers. She wanted to kiss him so badly, but didn’t want to rush it. Diego drew himself closer to her, his thumb resting on her cheek. Lila closed her eyes and let him pull her towards him. His lips felt so soft, so warm, just so good. In her head it sounded so cliché, but she hoped for this kiss to never end. When it finally did, she found herself looking right into Diego’s eyes. They still looked so tired, but less sad at least.

“I’ll guess I’m fine” his voice was only a whisper, but loud enough for her to hear. He was still stroking her cheek. “Good.” It was all she was able to reply just now. Lila didn’t feel like talking. There would be a time for that, a time when she would explain why she had left him, that she needed time for herself, time to find out what it was she really wanted. She’d always hoped he would understand. She made herself comfortable at his side by wrapping her arms around him, her head resting on his chest. Like this, she would hear his heartbeat. He still wasn’t relaxed, Lila could tell, but neither was she. Only happy to be with him again.

***

Later that night, and during many others that followed afterwards, Diego caught himself waking up just to look at Lila and needed to touch her. He hated being that vulnerable, but he couldn’t help it. Even the thought of her leaving him again was painful. The night he had the nightmare of her being killed for the first time he felt different, like his heart was ripped out of his chest. For the second time he witnessed the woman he loved being killed. With Lila it was even worse, because in his dream he had been standing right next to her, unable to stop her death from happening.

Diego groaned. He figured it would be impossible for him to go back to sleep for the rest of the night. Trying to avoid making any noise, he got up, grabbed some clothes and left their bedroom. It was nearly 5 am. He thought about leaving early for work. It wasn’t something he hadn’t done before, but since Lila showed up nearly half a year ago, he tried to spend as little time as possible being separated from her.

The talked about why she had run away at the barn and he understood that. It had been for the same reasons he had run away from the academy when he was 18. She needed to find out who she was on her own, and he couldn’t blame her for that. From what Diego could tell, Lila enjoyed being with him. She actually did well with his family, especially with Klaus and Five. Well, getting along with Klaus wasn’t that hard, everybody seems to like him. But Five? Given the fact that the two of them had quite a history, it took Diego by surprise when Lila told him she wanted to train with his brother more frequently in order to improve her powers.

Diego was halfway out to go to work when he realized that it was too quite outside, even for the given time. “Ah, shit.” It was Sunday, and even worse: They were invited to brunch later that day at the Academy. Maybe he would be able to talk Lila out of it, playing sick or something like that. He really wasn’t in the mood to face all of his siblings today. He got himself settled down on the couch and turned on the TV. Maybe he can take his mind off of it with some stupid comics, he thought. Lila found him a few hours later just like that.

“Hey, what’s going on? Did I snore too much for your sensitive ears?” She was standing in the doorway, arms crossed, and most importantly: alive.

“No Hon, just couldn’t sleep.” He passed her a half-hearted grin, which made her raise her eyebrows. She wished she had a sleep like Diego’s. Lila doubted that even a third apocalypse could wake him up once he got to sleep. “Whatever. You wanna go take a shower with me before seeing your siblings?”

“Nah, I’m good. To be honest, I’m not feeling so well.” That was the understatement of the year. Diego still felt like shit. Every time his mind wandered away, he would see her lying down on the ground, a bullet mark right between her eyes, blood everywhere. Lila quickly crossed the room, placing her hand on his forehead to check his temperature.

“What’s wrong, Baby? Are you sick? You don’t feel too warm.” Diego sighed, he didn’t want to lie to her, but telling the truth wasn’t an option either, so he played along.

“Yeah, I guess I just ate something bad the other day. It’s probably nothing. Don’t worry.” He took her hand and placed a light kiss on it.

Lila wasn’t convinced though. “So, I guess we’re staying at home today?” She sounded disappointed, Diego noticed and felt a tinge of guilt. It seemed like she actually did look forward to spending the time with his family. 

“You should go to the Academy without me! I know you like spending time with them. Go and have some fun.” He tried another smile, knowing very well it might not work out.

“Are you sure?” Something was clearly wrong with him, Lila could tell.

“Yeah, I am. I’ll join you next time.”

“Fine. But don’t be a diva afterwards since I didn’t stay and took care of you.” She bent down to kiss him.

“I would never do something like that.” Diego let go of her hand. Lila gave him another good look. He looked so tired. Maybe staying home would be the best for him. She knows his moods and like that there was always a risk of him picking up a fight with one of his siblings, Luther most of all. She made her way into the bathroom to take a shower and left Diego sitting on the couch. It would be good for Lila to spend time alone with his family, Diego told himself. Bonding and stuff like that is necessary. He just needed to be alone.

***

Lila came back home all packed with food and lots of ‘get well soon’ wishes from his family. Diego felt bad that all of them cared so much for his well-being and he just had lied to them. And it seemed that his lying had been good for nothing. He still felt bad, especially with Lila not being around so that he could have an eye on her. Of course, she was badass enough to take care of herself, but still…

“How are you feeling? I brought some food, bet you’re hungry, right?” He certainly was and accepted it gratefully. After changing into something more comfortable, Lila sat down next to him.

“So…” She glanced at him. “Are you gonna tell me the truth, or do we go on pretending that everything is just fine?” Of course, she knew, and why wouldn’t she? Diego knew she was trained to not trust the people around her.

“I… I’d rather not tell you. I’m sorry.” It was the truth. He didn’t lie to her this time. He just hoped it would be enough for her.

Lila took an intense look at his face. He looked so tired, big shadows lying under his eyes. But Lila could tell that he was telling her the truth.

“Did you at least sleep a little bit?” He just closed his eyes and shook his head. “Diego!” He noticed her strong British accent whilst saying his name. He couldn’t help but chuckle lightly. “No, I’m serious! I’m really worried about you. You look like shit and I don’t like that you don’t wanna talk to me. I thought we’d agreed on something else?”

She was totally right about that. When Lila told him she planned on staying with him, they decided on some ground rules. Talking more about their feelings was one of their main points. Both had big issues with that in particular and wanted to work it out together.

“I’m sorry, Lila, I really am. But please, can’t we just drop it for now? I’m so tired.” Again, he was telling the truth. Lila wanted to be pissed off with him, but somehow she just couldn’t. Maybe she was getting too soft, but to be honest, she just couldn’t stand what she saw while watching Diego. “Come here! You stubborn donkey.” Lila stretched out her arm for him, dragging his head carefully into her lap. She pulled a blanket over the two of them and gently started fondling the back of Diego’s head. After getting back from Dallas he’d cut it short, but since Lila mentioned that she liked it longer he started growing it back again. It was now half the length it used to be, and some curls began to show up. Lila loved playing with them.

“Thank you, Hon.” He murmured. It felt so good. He didn’t want to, but he felt his eyelids lowering. He fought it, but it didn’t work. He felt so warm, so safe. Lila was alive, and Diego was sure she would stay that way, even if he would take a nap.

***

Cold. Snow. The barn. Straw. And blood, so much fucking blood. Diego was staring down at his hands. There was blood all over them. Shaking, he looked down. Lila was lying on the ground. Her eyes wide open, but dead. Again, he just had been too late. He wasn’t able to save her. “NOOO” Diego started screaming. And he just couldn’t stop.

***

“Holy shit, Diego! Diego! Wake up!” Lila yelled at him, her voice full of panic. What was happening here? Everything was just fine. Short after he had rested his head, Diego fell asleep, his breathing calmed down and he relaxed himself. He must have really needed it. Lila looked down at him. She really had no idea what he was hiding from her and it drove her crazy. She was used to always figure out what she wanted to know, one way or another. But since they put some stuff on a list they both agreed to work on (which she found quite childish in the beginning, but Diego insisted on it), it just became so much harder. By making up that list, Diego made her start talking about her feeling. She was awful at those kinds of things because she simply just wasn’t used to it. It actually made her sad that it seemed like Diego didn’t want to talk to her anymore now. She hoped he just needed time and will open up again to her eventually.

His siblings told her how much his time in the sixties changed him. They would say that he stopped being so super bitter and sarcastic. Before their time travel, he wouldn’t have given a shit about anybody but himself. Vanya told her about all the times he would have given her a mean comment about her book, or how jealous he seemed to be of Luther for only being “Number Two”. But that wasn’t the Diego she got to know. Lila couldn’t help but smile at the thought of _this_ Diego being _her_ Diego. _Her_ Diego certainly could be bitchy and even selfish at some point, but who couldn’t? But as far as Lila was concerned, _her_ Diego was also kind and caring and sweet. It took her some time to get used to him acting that way. At first, she thought he was just making fun of her and they even fought about it. But after a while she started to like it. It had been the small things that Diego did for her. Like he would sneak out of bed whilst she was still sleeping to make breakfast for her or go and get a movie he knew she likes. He was so much better at this than her. Lila had never been in a relationship this intense. Sure, she did go out with a few boys, but she actually never considered any of them being something more than fun. It was different with Diego. With him, she started feeling loved and safe, and finally she didn’t want to run away anymore. Being with Diego just felt like home.

But not right now. Right now, Lila didn’t know what was going on. At least he stopped screaming. He sat up, panting, scanning his surroundings bewildered, as if he was waiting for something bad to happen. “Diego.” She tried to touch him, but as soon as her hand slightly touched his back, his body stiffened.

***

Again, Diego had no idea where he was. That was the second time in one day. Shit, he really was losing it. He tried to focus. It wasn’t cold earlier, or was he on the ground? He could hear his name being called. That was a new one. Something, or someone, was touching his back, he noticed, almost terrified. Slowly he turned his head. It took him a few seconds to recognize her. Lila. Who else would it be? It was just a dream. _Just a dream_ he kept telling himself. But that didn’t work out as he hoped it would be. Diego couldn’t stand looking her in the eye. He buried his face in his hands.

“I’m so-r-r-ry.“ He murmured, not even sure if Lila was able to hear him. “I c-c-couldn’t save y-y-ou.” Diego felt tears starting to flood his eyes. That wasn’t something he did. Diego didn’t cry in front of anybody, especially not in front of Lila.

“What are you talking about?” Lila took his hands in hers, forcing him to look directly at her. “Diego, I don’t need to be saved, I’m right here.” He was really scaring the hell out of her. “Look at me! Please! Let me help you.” Lila could see the tears in his eyes and when they started falling, she just pulled him close to her. She carefully stroked his back, whispering words of comfort into his ears while he just cried into her shoulder.

Diego put his arms around her to just hold her close. He wanted to feel her, wanted to know that she was safe. And she was. There was no need to worry about her. After a few minutes, Lila noticed that his crying had stopped. Nevertheless, she kept caressing his back until he softly pulled away from her.

“I’m sorry.” He said and wiped his eyes dry.

“I still don’t know what you keep apologizing for.” Lila sat in front of him. Diego could tell by the look in her eyes how confused she was about the way he behaved. “And don’t you dare giving me some shit about being okay.”

“Yeah, we have crossed that line, haven’t we?” He tried to make a joke and twitched the corner of his mouth.

“Diego Hargreeves, I swear I’m just gonna lose it in a bit!” Okay, now she sounded furious.

“Alright.” He sighed heavily. “I kinda had nightmare.” A shiver ran down his spine. “We were back at the farm. First, everything was just as it had really happened. But then it all went wrong.” Diego took a long break. “She was able to shoot one time. She got you.” This time he was able to keep it together.

Lila didn’t need to ask who he was referring to. He was talking about her mother. “So that’s what it was all about? You, acting weird the whole day?” Lila might sound surprised, but to be honest, she truly got it now. Like her, he didn’t want to admit that there are things in life that can actually scare him. He was raised to be brave… to be a hero. Well, it wasn’t completely the same with her. She was raised to be an assassin with no feelings. And before Diego showed up in her life, she could never imagine caring about anybody so much. And here she was. Lila could see the pain in his eyes while he was telling her about his nightmare. She felt his anxiety. In the past, she would have made an inappropriate joke or even answered something like that by simply insulting her opponent. But so much had changed since the Handler had put her on that job in the asylum, since she met Diego. At first, it was hard for her to admit that this had happened to her, especially because he was just a target on a mission. But Lila did fall in love with him.

“It was just a dream, Baby. It wasn’t real.” She gently stroked his cheeks. “She is dead and I’m fine. There is nothing you need to worry about.” Diego wasn’t so sure about her last statement, but right now he just didn’t care. Yes, she was safe, and she was here with him. That was all that mattered. He allowed her to pull him back into a hug and just enjoyed being cuddled by her some more. Lila smiled and pressed a kiss to his head.

“So, how about you and I just go to bed and forget this day ever happened?” She put another a kiss to his lips. That made Diego feel so much better. “Yeah, I’d like that very much!”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading!! Feel free to tell me what you think :)


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